01 February 2012
My fiancée has spent a large part of today nervously designing and practising her new signature, in completely reasonable preparation for its “debut” on a wedding register in just over 6 months’ time.
I added false dates to her furious scribblings of “Terri Porter”, placing them at only two days after we first met; the plan is to use them as evidence of her mental instability should this ever be required, or just to show them to everybody and laugh.
22 January 2012
“They always say ‘support the troops’, but never which side.”
My other half hits on war’s shades of grey.
18 January 2012
With under a month to go until Valentine’s Day, I have resurrected the #lovetext messages I used to send to my other half. Despite never mentioning them in either positive or negative terms (merely confirming that she had received them, whenever I asked) I think she was a bit upset when they stopped. A selection of prior messages is below.
Let’s both take Rohypnol and see who wins! xxx
[4:43pm 12-09-11]Wanna make love on that pile of unopened utility bills?… xxx.
[3:00pm 13-09-11]We can both go on top AT THE SAME TIME. xxx
[1:26pm 16-09-11]Tonight, I’ll be the motorist and you be the mechanic who’s given me an outrageous quote, deliberately sourcing high margin parts.
[11:19am 17-09-11]… And you’ve massively overstated the labour! xxx
[11:21am 17-09-11]Wake up! I’m in the other room, covered in hash browns! xxx
[12:07am 18-09-11]Don’t worry about last night. Have you still got those old family photos? xxx
[3:33pm 18-09-11]Let’s watch a film tonight… naked! xxx
[4:56am 20-09-11]Ok, sounds fun!
Which ‘Police Academy’? xxx
[4:59am 20-09-11]
15 January 2012
We all deal with the problems of the world in our own way.
I survive largely by laying awake at night, feeling equal amounts of despair, panic and infirmity; she copes by giving the slightest shit about Hollyoaks… It is fucking relentless on Sundays.
13 January 2012
Watching a scene in The X-Files: ”That’s weird, innit?”
11 January 2012
Today’s lie: the Bee Gees were called ‘the Bee Gees’ on account of two of the members being twins; the name is an acronym for ‘both good-looking’.
07 January 2012
“I feel unwell, but I think it’s because I’m flitting between being hot and cold, and I don’t know which one I actually am.”
Still self-diagnosing.
31 December 2011
We’ve never been big on New Year celebrations. Or at least I haven’t… I think over time she’s just adjusted her tastes (and expectations) accordingly. This actually applies in many aspects of a healthy, long term relationship: you both compromise on your dreams and principles until they converge, and amount to the simple acquisition of a new hoover or some coasters.
27 December 2011
Talking about careers today, and the idea of job satisfaction and morality versus plain remuneration.
She confirmed that she’d be happy for me to “sell drugs and extended warranties to old people for 18 months, so long as it set us up for life”.
11 December 2011
“These new privacy settings are great. You don’t have to talk to anyone, they just know what you did!”
Thoughts on Facebook, 11 Dec 2011.
